The Piece of Paper ~vs~ The Process

 Coming in from the green (the big green waters behind me) passing a local Balinese surfer who is in the background "of my life" smiling and cheering me on...even when I didn't know it. One of the most memorable captions of my life and a true metaphor.

Since starting school I have been so busy and could not have planned for the amount of time required outside of class to be successful. I'm grateful for caring professors who are teaching me very valuable life lessons, friends and family who have supported me and Jeff who has taken on the not so easy task of being my personal tutor working just as many algebraic equations with me while being the voice or reason and encouragement that always seems to sit on my shoulder when I need a gentle reminder of why I'm doing this in the first place.


I do miss my personal writing time however. Spring break is around the corner and I intend to sit down with things and create space for more creative self-care incorporating more time for those things that sustain me. Writing is one of them for sure, as is nature and travel...which I will be doing some of immediately following the semester's end. I'm looking forward to reconnecting with my energy source that is the ocean via the white sand beaches of Florida then (hyper link is acting up! Click over here ---->) on retreat at Maya Tulum a few weeks later. Until then, there's a lot to get done!


Last Sunday I found myself sitting at the table staring at what should have been a word document filled with my personal analysis on an essay I had read. I sat there rubbing my head, holding my face and questioning what I was doing. 


"Why am I even doing this?"


Across from me sat a brilliant and patient man who I have so much admiration and respect for who would later say something that would change my entire view of this project I've taken on.


He told me a college education is not about getting the piece of paper in the end. 


"A college education is about who you become through the process. That is your college education." 


When I think about the process that got me here, the years of confidence I didn't have in this area, I'm reminded of the truth to these words. That said, there's a level of confidence being developed that I had been unable to relate to until now. There's the academic learning, sure. There is also the testing of my spirit to go beyond what I sometimes question as possible, reasonable, maintainable and one of the hardest things I've ever done...and it's only just begun. Such is life. I'm writing about college here, but any experience that seems foreign or out of reach or ridiculous could be filled in the blank.

I'm a smart woman. I've had to be to both survive and succeed in the life I have been born into. While I realize many others have had it far worse than I could have ever imagined, I've made it no secret that it wasn't always easy for me. I had to teach myself to become a woman and how to relate with the world and all to often, unsuccessfully so. I've had to be my own encourager and cheerleader and the one to pick myself up when I've fallen. What I've learned is that I'm not alone. There are people around me who love me who are cheering me on sometimes quietly; sometimes quite loudly. Through all of this, I crossed an abyss in my life (when I arrived into 30s for starters) and began to change the way I saw the world and the way I saw myself. 

I still have not finished paper 4; the Interpretive Analysis, but it will be done today. I am a woman of integrity and will fulfill this personal goal I set out to take on. I know now that it's not about the time it takes me to complete this process. The growth and fulfillment will be in my returning to this commitment each day. And as I return to the commitment I will continue to develop a belief in myself, in my potential which will prove to break free from the labels I've defined myself in the world by or have been defined by, and in the possibilities of what it looks like to live a life fully explored; played full out.


As he said... 
"This is the 'bold and brave' part."

2011 Lessons Learned & Mindful Observations

*Writing the letter/email can be quite cathartic so go ahead and do it. Just don't send it.

*You cannot will someone to have an awakening-to see or "get" something. We are all on our own karmic journeys on our own time frames.

*Once you get good at hitting the curve balls and you make it to the Majors, you're considered a badass (an All Star) when you bat .300. This translates as MISSING 70%. Bigger translation: The curve balls in life count for a LOT.

*Sleep on it. For God sakes, sleep on it!

*Practice yoga then seek out it's parallel in your life. This.Will.Change.You.

*No matter what, commit to standing in your Grace and being kind.

*When you blame, you loose the lesson.

*You're not a victim.

*Everyday, try your hardest to be a good person.

*Stay true and honest with yourself. Do not sell yourself out. Do not sell yourself short.

*There is no such thing as being "too open". This is the language only of those who are afraid, closed off and contracted.

*Balance your actions and reactions.
*Learn to view everyone and every experience as a teacher.

*Some teachers are inherently assholes. They too, however, are teachers.

*You choose the "way you are". Douche bag, diva, divine delight... It's your choice. Choose wisely.

*Self reflect.

*Trust your intuition. Just don't confuse this with your thinking mind.

*Stop beating yourself up for thinking you should have known better (or for any other reason for that matter).

*Gratitude is the heart's memory. Be grateful.

*Start a gratitude journal.

*Know what stokes your heart-fire and begin stoke it's fire daily.

*Make close friends with humility.

*Encourage others every opportunity you get and be an empowering force.

*Be an awesome observer.

*Admit your faults and work on them.

*Train your weaknesses.
*Apologize.
*Do the thing. Stop talking about it or dreaming about it. Just f'n do it already!
*Decide what's important to you and focus your energy.

*For an entire day, let every.single.word. be one of support and encouragement of every.single.person. you come into contact with. 

*Simplify your life. Cut out as much bullshit as possible.

*Be true to thine own self.