The Original Possibility

Antone's in Austin,TX October 2002

When I attended the Landmark Forum and Landmark Advanced Course last year, I became aware of the term Possibility in terms of using it as means to explain what is possible...what was always possible. It was through this educational seminar that I got just how much we get caught up in our past, our fears of *so many things and whether or not we believe we are worthy or OK within ourselves and in the eyes of others. I realized on a very deep level just how often we create boundaries and ideas of what we train ourselves to believe is and is not possible. I don't want to get into my attempt to explain in any more in detail as that would do both the courses and a reader a huge dis-service but I highly encourage everyone I know to attend these life changing courses when they come through a city near you.

I don't remember how it came to me but I started thinking about the original possibility in my life; the first big dream/vision I had for myself and in doing so, I started to think about where I lost it.

For me, being a singer/songwriter was my original possibility.

Photo: May 28th, 2007

It wasn't really encouraged or supported but I wasn't banned from it or anything either. I have books full of songs I've written since the first one I wrote when I was 17 shortly after my mother was killed. While it wouldn't be my first choice of expression today, its title is tattooed on my ankled, but that's beside the point.

I use to sing in the choir (somewhere I have a VHS tape of myself and a guy named Dustin singing "After All" by Peter Cetera and Cher...ohh memories...) and with my mother as she played the piano in the living room. I've sung at the legendary Antone's here in Austin opening up for Jr. Brown

Antone's in Austin, TX October 2002

and was featured on the former Warner Brother's channel singing a tribute to the September 11th Anniversary. I've been in the recording studio (one of the best in Austin) with support of some of Austin's best to make a record quality demo CD that would eventually shopped by Arista, Sony Dallas and others. It was a totally different time for musicians back then but I was given opportunities that many work their entire lives towards and on a few occasions, I walked away from them as my life called for different necessary experiences I had to go through.

It wasn't until later on that I got my first guitar (I'm on my third currently) and while I'm not great at it by any means; to someone who doesn't play at all, they might think I could play well or at least that I know what I'm doing (I know very little, lets be honest!). Perception...

While I don't claim to be the best vocalist in the world, the way I feel when I use my voice with creativity and passion from my heart is unexplainable. I use to dream of the big stage but these days, I get so much pleasure out of sitting on my office floor working on new songs or putting my flavor on a cover and I do so in the company of only my dog. Rarely do I share these personal stories that have made their way through my hands, heart and mouth and when I do I quietly begin by humming, then I pretend its just my dog, myself and my story and my mouth opens and I set aside the fear of judgment and I let it out. When the song ends, I bashfully put the guitar down, smile at any commentary and move on about my day.

Being a singer/songwriter; my original possibility.

Somewhere along the way, it got lost.
But inside...
it never died.

What was your original possibility?
What would a resurrection look like in your life today?
How 'bout it?