...And then She Danced.

There are so many things this body cannot do right now. 

There are so many beautiful images I see of the human form that I can practically taste yet I know they are not for me at this moment. It's all relative of course.

Earlier today, we had some maternity photographs taken. Our first official family portraits :) At one point, Jeff and I went into headstands and I started to play in lotus while inverted; something this body had been conditioned to do so very easily in my pre-pregnancy days. What were once my incredibly open hips, seem to feel like legs of a barbie doll that, upon being pushed to deeply, would pop off of my body. 

There are many things this body may or may not be able to do right now but I know that the payoff for going in these directions will be non-existent with a far greater risk than any possible reward. So instead, I visualize and I admire and I appreciate, from a whole new gifted perspective, what I have previously felt in this body knowing that this is a very special time and that all of "that" will be there for me to re-explore in the most intimate, present way ever, soon enough.

Instead, I choose to focus on what this beautiful body I get to call mine for the time being CAN do.

It can fill out and become more curvaceous than it's ever been. It can expand and stretch and remain smooth and soft even so. This beautiful body has the power to make all that it contains feel more feminine, sexy, fluid and graceful than ever before. 

It has empowered me. 

It has given me the most confidence in my body's natural abilities, deepened my intuition and sense of bodily awareness 

And it has allowed the man I love to love me even more, and more OF me, in ways he has never in his life imagined loving the feminine. 

This life giving, life sustaining body that I get to call mine isn't currently putting legs behind the head or twisting up in arm balances effortlessly and with ease like before. 

 Instead...

These hips are creating a different kind of space.

 These breasts are becoming full and firm with the nectar of life. 

And what was once a flat belly is now a beautiful blossoming and *moving henna belly that is the KEEPER of life as it houses its swimming creation...the very creation whose birth will complete the orgasm that in its nature completes the most intimate expression of commitment, loyalty and love two human beings can share. 

No... this body isn't doing the aesthetically celebrated deep openings it once was nor does it feel the need to. 

Instead, it's preparing for the most profound, most feminine deep opening known to humankind.

It is resting, nurturing, loving, sustaining and CREATING LIFE...the very life that will make its way through the very body that is the lifeline and source of creation.

What this body CAN do is 

Dance 
and 
Move 
like
Water. 

I can close my eyes, lift the corners of my mouth and move my spine and hips to the tribal sounds, Egyptian and world beats that fill this naturally lit space as my arms and body float in the most sensual way they have ever moved before. As this body feels the percussion move through Her, She is guided by Mother Earth as she bends and breathes all that surrounds and supports her while emphasizing each new curve. 

What this body can do is Create Life 
for the growing Love inside of it

and 

Give life BACK 
to the keeper of it.

 A Full Woman I Am.

 And THAT is to be celebrated.

Quiet Time

Quiet Time It's a silent Saturday morning as I sit in our dedicated "Intentional Space"  in our home and complete this entry. The only sound that surrounds me are the morning songs of the birds outside the window that provide the beautiful backdrop lighting of this Ganesha statue that sets the stage for the auspicious new beginnings of each day and of that of this new home space and all that's yet to come for us. It's been almost a month since stepping down from my regular public class teaching schedule and almost three weeks since we moved out of our downtown condo and into our beautiful home. Now that we are moved in, I'm feeling so much more settled. Lots to do still but everything is unpacked and almost everything is where it belongs. We are doing some small preparations to the baby's room but keeping it simple. We've mindfully worked to create a home space that echoes our intentions in how we want to raise this gift of a child and to do so in such a way that is truly aligned with who we are. I think Jeff would concur when I say that this home reflects our inner most personal, private and authentic selves more than any other either of us have ever lived in before now. We continue to feel incredibly grateful for the blessings in our lives and for the serenity that surrounds us. Because I keep a journal for my son of the details of experiences throughout this pregnancy, I don't have as much in me to share as intimately in this forum. What I can share however is that from the very beginning, I made an agreement with myself that I would do whatever needed to be done to experience this time as the most sacred, most holy experience of my life; that I didn't want to just rush through it to get to it, I wanted to be so present to the process of birthing a mother and a family and all that comes with it.  This has been the most incredibly *transformative time in my life and after getting to know me in a very intimate and personal way, the dedicated women of my birthing team keep telling me that giving birth will be incredibly transformative as well. Long before stepping onto the path of motherhood, I knew this to be my truth.  I  have had some incredibly profound and deeply spiritual breakthrough moments that have brought me to my knees and back up again. I have felt connected ways much deeper than words could every convey to the energy of ancient and mythical women and to some mothers in my life including that of my own mother who left her body on May 13th, 1994. I'm starting to have visuals of their energetic presence and feeling very receptive to the whispers of wisdom of those who have crossed this abyss long before me.   This process combined with all of the changes that have gone on in my life has helped to quiet my mind and internal dialog and has allowed me to feel my feet sink firmly into the Earth element and prepare for the natural next phase of my life. I feel so content when I share that I actually feel READY. I feel ready to get down to the nitty gritty, "bare bones" and to be stripped down in every way that birthing, like dying, requires of us. I feel ready to be a mother. I feel ready to apply my life's work, my yoga and spiritual practice in the more important way yet. I feel ready. While I always saw myself as a mother one day, I never knew that I would actually ever feel ready... but I do now. As my friend said to me in a conversation in reference to her husband and love of being a new mother, "I love the love that my husband and I have created." While I've kept a few commitments like a workshop I taught last weekend, Yoga and Poetry and Yoga Expo in May as well as 1 private client I'll be seeing at least a few more times, I'm spending the majority of time at home with my dog, Layla and my husband.  I've always loved being in the kitchen but these days it's taken on a whole new, meditative meaning. There's something very satisfying to me about chopping vegetables or cooking/baking healthy and delicious food as I meditate on gratitude and on how much love I'm feeling in my body and in my life right now. I'm drinking a lot of organic teas and water with cucumbers or fresh citrus floating in it, going on morning walks, practicing some very meditative, quality yoga, singing and chanting to my baby with my Shruti box, some reading and taking advantage of a whole lot of quiet, personal time. I've taken some time off from weight training due to the move but am starting back next week one on one so that it's catered to my expanding needs. More than anything, I've become much more quiet in body, speech and mind. We decided to go bare bones and get just the local television channels only so that we could use our Apple TV for movies when we wanted and so that we could stream the lifetime membership we purchased of "Calm Radio" which has a really great "OM" channel we both love... along with dozens of others we haven't even listened to yet. The OM channel is *that good :) When I wake in the mornings, I open my eyes and see my "Mommy/Goddess" altar and just beyond that, the greenbelt outside my bedroom window.  On most mornings, peaceful, low volume chants and the smell of nag champa incense fill the air then we open the back door so that Layla can run free in the greenbelt for a while and I can sit on the back deck steps while welcoming some fresh morning air into my lungs. I love beginning my days this way.  The butterflies are everywhere and bring me to a state of wonder and curiosity I've felt void of for a really long time until now. Sometimes, we will take Layla for a walk morning and/or evening while taking notes on our neighbor's landscaping while just being present to everyday, often over-looked nature blessings. All in all, there's a clarity and an appreciation I'm feeling extremely present to right now. There's an innocence that is growing inside of me and he's bringing forth all that has been dormant and as a result, anchoring me. I'm so happy to have thought to take this time off so that I could retreat inward. It's made an enormous difference in my state of being and has allowed space for me to loosen my grip in some areas and to welcome possibilities in others. I cannot say it enough... I'm just so grateful.