Prana Shakti, Partnership, Pregnancy, Parenthood, Preparation, Power and Pranams.

My personal Path of Practice:
Prana Shakti
(the creative & pulsating life force within me), Partnership (a love story of two people who consciously choose one another every day), Pregnancy (Grace in my belly revealing herself through this growing baby boy who lives in my womb), Parenthood (The highest calling of them all), Purification (of all self-defining labels accumulated along the way) Preparation (for a new life, a new calling and for the birthing of all this woman has yet to become, experience, learn and know), Power (to fully stand in mine as a wife, mother and creative woman) Pranams (daily gratitude and humble thanks for my beautiful life and blessings along the way).

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Quiet Time

Quiet Time It's a silent Saturday morning as I sit in our dedicated "Intentional Space"  in our home and complete this entry. The only sound that surrounds me are the morning songs of the birds outside the window that provide the beautiful backdrop lighting of this Ganesha statue that sets the stage for the auspicious new beginnings of each day and of that of this new home space and all that's yet to come for us. It's been almost a month since stepping down from my regular public class teaching schedule and almost three weeks since we moved out of our downtown condo and into our beautiful home. Now that we are moved in, I'm feeling so much more settled. Lots to do still but everything is unpacked and almost everything is where it belongs. We are doing some small preparations to the baby's room but keeping it simple. We've mindfully worked to create a home space that echoes our intentions in how we want to raise this gift of a child and to do so in such a way that is truly aligned with who we are. I think Jeff would concur when I say that this home reflects our inner most personal, private and authentic selves more than any other either of us have ever lived in before now. We continue to feel incredibly grateful for the blessings in our lives and for the serenity that surrounds us. Because I keep a journal for my son of the details of experiences throughout this pregnancy, I don't have as much in me to share as intimately in this forum. What I can share however is that from the very beginning, I made an agreement with myself that I would do whatever needed to be done to experience this time as the most sacred, most holy experience of my life; that I didn't want to just rush through it to get to it, I wanted to be so present to the process of birthing a mother and a family and all that comes with it.  This has been the most incredibly *transformative time in my life and after getting to know me in a very intimate and personal way, the dedicated women of my birthing team keep telling me that giving birth will be incredibly transformative as well. Long before stepping onto the path of motherhood, I knew this to be my truth.  I  have had some incredibly profound and deeply spiritual breakthrough moments that have brought me to my knees and back up again. I have felt connected ways much deeper than words could every convey to the energy of ancient and mythical women and to some mothers in my life including that of my own mother who left her body on May 13th, 1994. I'm starting to have visuals of their energetic presence and feeling very receptive to the whispers of wisdom of those who have crossed this abyss long before me.   This process combined with all of the changes that have gone on in my life has helped to quiet my mind and internal dialog and has allowed me to feel my feet sink firmly into the Earth element and prepare for the natural next phase of my life. I feel so content when I share that I actually feel READY. I feel ready to get down to the nitty gritty, "bare bones" and to be stripped down in every way that birthing, like dying, requires of us. I feel ready to be a mother. I feel ready to apply my life's work, my yoga and spiritual practice in the more important way yet. I feel ready. While I always saw myself as a mother one day, I never knew that I would actually ever feel ready... but I do now. As my friend said to me in a conversation in reference to her husband and love of being a new mother, "I love the love that my husband and I have created." While I've kept a few commitments like a workshop I taught last weekend, Yoga and Poetry and Yoga Expo in May as well as 1 private client I'll be seeing at least a few more times, I'm spending the majority of time at home with my dog, Layla and my husband.  I've always loved being in the kitchen but these days it's taken on a whole new, meditative meaning. There's something very satisfying to me about chopping vegetables or cooking/baking healthy and delicious food as I meditate on gratitude and on how much love I'm feeling in my body and in my life right now. I'm drinking a lot of organic teas and water with cucumbers or fresh citrus floating in it, going on morning walks, practicing some very meditative, quality yoga, singing and chanting to my baby with my Shruti box, some reading and taking advantage of a whole lot of quiet, personal time. I've taken some time off from weight training due to the move but am starting back next week one on one so that it's catered to my expanding needs. More than anything, I've become much more quiet in body, speech and mind. We decided to go bare bones and get just the local television channels only so that we could use our Apple TV for movies when we wanted and so that we could stream the lifetime membership we purchased of "Calm Radio" which has a really great "OM" channel we both love... along with dozens of others we haven't even listened to yet. The OM channel is *that good :) When I wake in the mornings, I open my eyes and see my "Mommy/Goddess" altar and just beyond that, the greenbelt outside my bedroom window.  On most mornings, peaceful, low volume chants and the smell of nag champa incense fill the air then we open the back door so that Layla can run free in the greenbelt for a while and I can sit on the back deck steps while welcoming some fresh morning air into my lungs. I love beginning my days this way.  The butterflies are everywhere and bring me to a state of wonder and curiosity I've felt void of for a really long time until now. Sometimes, we will take Layla for a walk morning and/or evening while taking notes on our neighbor's landscaping while just being present to everyday, often over-looked nature blessings. All in all, there's a clarity and an appreciation I'm feeling extremely present to right now. There's an innocence that is growing inside of me and he's bringing forth all that has been dormant and as a result, anchoring me. I'm so happy to have thought to take this time off so that I could retreat inward. It's made an enormous difference in my state of being and has allowed space for me to loosen my grip in some areas and to welcome possibilities in others. I cannot say it enough... I'm just so grateful.    

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