Prana Shakti, Partnership, Pregnancy, Parenthood, Preparation, Power and Pranams.

My personal Path of Practice:
Prana Shakti
(the creative & pulsating life force within me), Partnership (a love story of two people who consciously choose one another every day), Pregnancy (Grace in my belly revealing herself through this growing baby boy who lives in my womb), Parenthood (The highest calling of them all), Purification (of all self-defining labels accumulated along the way) Preparation (for a new life, a new calling and for the birthing of all this woman has yet to become, experience, learn and know), Power (to fully stand in mine as a wife, mother and creative woman) Pranams (daily gratitude and humble thanks for my beautiful life and blessings along the way).

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Gratitude 35

I’m turning 35 tomorrow and I can hardly believe it. I have in my life everything my heart ever desired and there’s so much more ahead of me for this year alone…a baby, a new home and the start of our becoming parents.
I’ve never felt more grateful in my life as I have felt this past year. As it’s become a regular practice of mine, saying “thank you” daily, I thought I’d honor 35 years of trials, tribulations and triumphs by laying down 35 reasons I’m feeling so grateful these days.

I’m grateful for…

1.       1. My husband…I could write all day on how much his love has Changed.My.Life. and heart.
2.       2. My growing, healthy baby who resides in my womb
3.       3. My beautiful, loving and accepting mother and father in law
4.       4. An incredibly close relationship with my father and step mother
5.       5. Having everything we need and so much more
6.       6. Second chances
7.       7. My renewed trust in the unseen world
8.       8. My level of physical fitness
9.       9. My yoga practice
10.   10. An ongoing and growing meditation practice
11.   11. The Greenbelt; my church.
12.   12. My dog, Layla
13.   13. My good friend, Marvin who has housed and cared for my dog during this move transition
14.   14. Getting Layla back in my daily life again…much better than weekly life
15.   15. My health
16.   16. My ability to self-reflect
17.   17. Having my first child a little later in my life
18.   1. My voice and the gift of song/musical talent
19.   19. People who love me and have loved me when it wasn’t always easy to do so
20.   20. Possibilities. I’m so grateful for the blank canvas…
21.   21. Hindsight and reflection
22.   22. A growing peace of mind
23.   23. A growing belly
24.   24. The power of Choice
25.   25. My mother …and all who have mothered me in her absence over the years
26.   26. My Intuition
27.   27. The sound of my husband spinning his speed rope in the other room and his feet pounding the floor in action… it lets me know he is also in good health.
28.   28. Quiet mornings and cool, sunny days
29.   29. New Friends
30.   30. The new connection I have to some older ones because of motherhood
31.   31. Forgiveness
32.   32. My affectionate ways and being true to them
33.   33. Courage
34.   34. The recognition of God within myself rather than something separate from myself
35.   35. Grace

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Nurturing the New, Young Garden.

“You have to have courage to love somebody. Because you risk everything. Everything.” ~ Maya Angelou
What happened was that we both stood up and looked around and found one another standing at the same time. I knew we were in alignment with one another, that he was a fit for my heart and that we were both in a space of what the Buddha might have called "right timing" that allowed us to show up to one another in a committed, loving, supportive and inspiring way. I once heard love described as acceptance. This is my relationship and partnership with this man; this is our new marriage and our love continues to be united, expansive, expressive and curious.

On Saturday, February 4th, one year from our very first date, we stood before a very intimate and meaningful group of 8 people and shared our own personal vows and promises to one another. Not to say that it's always been easy; anything worth having will pose its challenges but it *is always committed, communicative, honest, loving, forgiving and full of laughter.

I continue to stand in awe of how my life has turned out.  Knowing that it's only just begun in more ways than not, I am grateful beyond anything I could possibly convey using that of the spoken word.

More Changes.

Last week I was practicing yoga over looking the ocean almost every day and I continue to notice the little-big changes within my breath and practice. I am feeling strong in my body, at ease in my heart and spacious in my mind where I was once a pretty chaotic. On the days I don't, I come back to whatever it is I might have forgotten and I find the rest of myself there. I am more grateful for the years of hard work, discipline and even resistance in my yoga practice because after all of that, it's paying on when I need it most.

Saturday morning I drove to the studio only to find out the weekend schedule begins 30 minutes earlier than the weekday classes. I had already had a minor issue getting to the studio because my navigation system got choked up so having arrived on time even so and being locked out in the cold and longing for my yoga, I immediately I began to feel my body tense up. I headed back to the house, unrolled my mat and made use of a new 15 day trial on Yoga Glo (I do love a self-guided practice but sometimes it's nice being a student to the Graces of the Guru that flow through someone else).

Without saying the words, something within made sense of what I *did have and quickly improvised recognizing the need I had to get some energy flowing within my body. With a baby on the way, I have no idea what my days will look like which is exciting, scary and potentially overwhelming where uncertainty is involved so this is good practice for me.


Find a way.

Create "space" to take care of myself so that I can be the best I can be for those who I am committed to serving. Right now, that's my family. I am most committed to nurturing the seeds of my growing family and to do so, I recognize that I first have to take care not only of my basic and fundamental needs like nutrition and sleep; I also need to tend to my spiritual needs. I'm counting on new rituals and sequences to my day but it's important that I tend to this part of myself even so.

The Subtleties. 

My breath.
The expressions of my exhalations...

Everything is new.
Everything; every trace of movement and the sensation of each breath as it runs through my new body...
It's all so fresh and deliberate
So natural and satisfying.

Beginners Mind.

Self-Study (Sva-yaya).


What do I need? What do I really need in this moment? Through my "new" yoga practice, regardless of what it entails physically, I'm finding in my instinctive letting go and in my being OK in knowing that I am approaching foreign territory, what I need and how I need to use it arises on it's own.

It's all a reflection.
This is primal.
It's Nature.

This is perhaps some of the most rewarding and satisfying part of my changing practice at the moment. Something as simple as a change in the expression of my exhalation makes a wave across the entire experience of practice and as always, it spills off of the mat and into life.

The Observations.

In a writing stream of consciousness, I wrote this to a friend recently as an attempt to share the fundamental and foundational shift I'm experiencing right now...

Amazing how much this process of birthing a mother, father and family changes someone at their very core. Everything is changing and I'm not afraid. I have no idea what's ahead but it's my greatest blessing and I'm not afraid of it. My foundation as I've known it is dissolving and is recreating itself in every moment. My yoga and experience of the breath moving through my new, beautiful and expanding body is completely new and fresh and my everyday flow is soon to be completely changed yet I'm embracing the change. All of this pulls me closer to some people in my life and allows me to send my love and blessing and walk away from others. It's nature I suppose. It's change. Change IS Nature. And I'm deeply in love with every bit of this! 

Dear Spirit,
Help me to keep the eyes of my internal gaze open and my heart and resolutions strong. May I remember "beginners mind". May I remain open and attuned. May I remember that I chose this and therefore chose all that it entails. May I remember God in my breath and be grateful for it even in those moments where it may be harder to breathe. May the source of my love be known and my presence to all of my blessings be constant.