What's in a Goal?

In response to the "talent search" (and the enormous controversy over it) currently being put on by Yoga Journal Magazine, I've been thinking a lot about goals.

It was last year when I wrote about re-assessing some of my goals. I wrote about how some of them had changed, some were no longer important to me, some I had already accomplished and some were just straight lame and served nothing more than the inflated ego; so I adjusted my goals accordingly. What I didn't say out loud was that being on the cover of Yoga Journal Magazine had been, at one time, one of my "goals" until I realized that I don't believe a "goal" should really be a goal at all if attaining/meeting it didn't involve something I actually had power over creating or turning into a reality. More simply stated, if the outcome/end result itself is not within my power, I'm thinking it's not something I want to call a "goal".

For a moment, I found myself getting energetically caught up in the hype and more recently as there's been several heated public debates about it in the local yoga community and beyond.

So with all of this swirling around and being a part of "talent search" (if you have no idea what i'm talking about, click here: http://talentsearch.yogajournal.com/view/1028 ) it was nice to recall that while it might be a "goal" for some it's not for me. It is something I would do if it were offered to me of course, but A goal, no.

This brings me to my point.


What's in your GOAL?

Are you really in control of the outcome?
If so, power on. If not it might be something to think about.

Don't get me wrong. I'd love to be in the world's largest yoga magazine in terms of the size of international distribution...certainly couldn't be a bad thing for business especially knowing they do nothing without calculation in the way of who is in the magazine, why and when as they should. They are a business too, after all. But the difference is this: I realize that I do not have the power to make it happen by "skill" or hard work unlike a different goal such as competing in triathlons for example. While my body is conditioned and disciplined in the way of yoga asana we are taught that there is no hierarchy within it. So while some postures are more complicated or "advanced" in nature, one does not have higher value nor does any one bring us closer to being a good person in the world than the next. I trained for triathlons, worked to improve my time, endurance and distance and was able to fulfill the goal(s) based on my own merits, efforts and hard work.

While the *art as I prefer to call it, does involve skill and technicality, I'm torn on calling yoga a "talent" unless we are talking strictly physical and if so, we should have a backbending competition or something  to which case would be gymnastics or a "Cirque" experiment and not yoga. This post isn't about the details of what differentiates these distinctions so I'll save it but again, I get it. Like I said, it's a business and if you know anything about this particular business, you might be impressed that it's being extended to the "real" yoga community so if nothing else this is worth silencing some of the negative speak. Up front the entry form asked those who intended to enter not to use their most fabulous "advanced" posture... they suggested using one the  participant felt they fully embodied and were comfortable in ... one that they felt they had "mastered".

Having been at one of their major conferences and having attended the Shakti Panel that included the editor, my teacher, Shiva, Judith HL and Seane Corn, this very topic came up. So I've been there and have heard the source address the topic of "pretty people" and "famous" people being on the cover and within the pages and their justification for it all. Some of it sounded legit, some, well, I questioned but I'm not inside the business yet I understand that it IS business therefore I have respect and an understanding that yoga itself is a business as well like it or not. I teach yoga full-time and for a living. If you teach yoga for a living you get the business element that the next person who teaches on the side to get their Zen on might not fully understand or see. That's not an insult by any means. I'm only stating fact that when your ass is on the line you have multiple aspects invested.

Unfortunately, like any business it's not always pretty and recently that has come to life in many public strings of unproductive opinions and statements being tossed around into the ether. I'm a FAN of people speaking their truth when it's unpopular and controversial. I quite like it actually and don't think there's enough of this bold honesty *especially in the world of yoga. Being a yogin doesn't mean being a doormat and it sometimes calls for unleashing something fierce when it's uncomfortable. So I have such respect for those who are willing to put themselves out there and am fascinated by this debate where it's actually productive. That said, because I've seen anger within the world of yoga, it's important to be clear on who you are angry or upset with.

I would love to see real people in the way of different body types and certainly fresh faces of every day yogins (teachers and students alike) who are out in the world making a difference locally, appear on the cover and within the magazine. So if this is the way to make that happen, them maybe it's something to consider and support even if it is a voting contest disguised as a "talent search". I do think it's important to determine how much weight is being put into this from the standpoint of those who are in the big running pool and of those voting alike...and yes, those who are put off by it as well. There are so many different angels to consider here.

This whole discussion has me wondering what it is, as a society and culture, we put our value into. What is a healthy goal? I'm making no secret of the fact that I would love to be in the magazine and it might be an accomplishment ("fulfillment of desire") but I fully understand the basis of the process. It would certainly be a honor but it's not my "skill" or "talent" that would make it happen, its public votes...and that's OK but lets call a spade a spade and not for a second let our egos convince us otherwise. I wish the same for my peers. I'm grateful to be known and recognized in my yoga community and I hold that with humility and want to support my peers and the wonderful teachers around me and certainly those teachers who might be under the radar and not as well known. In doing so, I encourage them all to put themselves out there in this way because with the international big fish publications and local ones alike, it may very well be the only means to highlighting "real world", everyday yogins who are out there changing lives, and doing it every day.

2011 Lessons Learned & Mindful Observations

*Writing the letter/email can be quite cathartic so go ahead and do it. Just don't send it.

*You cannot will someone to have an awakening-to see or "get" something. We are all on our own karmic journeys on our own time frames.

*Once you get good at hitting the curve balls and you make it to the Majors, you're considered a badass (an All Star) when you bat .300. This translates as MISSING 70%. Bigger translation: The curve balls in life count for a LOT.

*Sleep on it. For God sakes, sleep on it!

*Practice yoga then seek out it's parallel in your life. This.Will.Change.You.

*No matter what, commit to standing in your Grace and being kind.

*When you blame, you loose the lesson.

*You're not a victim.

*Everyday, try your hardest to be a good person.

*Stay true and honest with yourself. Do not sell yourself out. Do not sell yourself short.

*There is no such thing as being "too open". This is the language only of those who are afraid, closed off and contracted.

*Balance your actions and reactions.
*Learn to view everyone and every experience as a teacher.

*Some teachers are inherently assholes. They too, however, are teachers.

*You choose the "way you are". Douche bag, diva, divine delight... It's your choice. Choose wisely.

*Self reflect.

*Trust your intuition. Just don't confuse this with your thinking mind.

*Stop beating yourself up for thinking you should have known better (or for any other reason for that matter).

*Gratitude is the heart's memory. Be grateful.

*Start a gratitude journal.

*Know what stokes your heart-fire and begin stoke it's fire daily.

*Make close friends with humility.

*Encourage others every opportunity you get and be an empowering force.

*Be an awesome observer.

*Admit your faults and work on them.

*Train your weaknesses.
*Apologize.
*Do the thing. Stop talking about it or dreaming about it. Just f'n do it already!
*Decide what's important to you and focus your energy.

*For an entire day, let every.single.word. be one of support and encouragement of every.single.person. you come into contact with. 

*Simplify your life. Cut out as much bullshit as possible.

*Be true to thine own self.

Year At A Glance

(NOTE: Not sure why hyper links are not showing...where you see "****     ****", run your arrow over it to see the words and hyper links :)

Dear 2010,

You've been really amazing.

On January 1, 2010, myself and a few other friends

(the same group went to go see the incredibly spiritual movie, Avatar shortly after New Year's Day...just had to add this hilarious photo!)

all met for a Mt Bonnell sunrise and to have a "round table" discussion of our intentions for the year. It was there that I stated that my intention for 2010 would be to stay closely centered in my heart; to navigate in all things to and from this place. I wasn't sure what that would look like and that just a week later I would be confronted with many reasons to renig on that intention, but that's just what it was.

It's incredible how the Universe listens... and responds.

"Wherever your heart, so is your treasure"...or something like that. I always remembered that passage from the Bible. The Universe does not know "no". It only responds to energy and everything is energy...our words, our actions, thoughts...When we put our energy in "no", we are energetically saying "yes". We are giving power to the "No"...charging it.  Once we express something and put it out there into the world, we subconsciously and energetically aligning ourselves with those very things. So when I say I had a spoken intention of being a student to the heart teacher this year (hence the license plate...), that's what was fully charged and what I was aligned with even when I didn't feel like being so!

2010 would prove to be a year that would test how much heart I had and as a result will go down in the story that is my life as being a year where it all shifted. You know, those times in our lives where we can look back and see a line drawn in the sand? This year has been one of those years for me. I'll go on record and say I feel like I've really become a woman this year having connected so strongly to my heart, grace and authentic self...and it ain't over yet! ;)

From declaring my 33rd as my "power year" in February and spending my birthday with a group of gals from High School (never thought THAT would've happened!) to **** the unreal and mind gripping intensity and ultimate test of Spirit **** during Budokon Academy weekend in April, the year began with a crashing wave of questionable discomfort.

My first 3 triathlons

in a five week period of time gave me a new determination as did my time running with Rogue proving yet again, the body just follows the mind. When the mind says "I CAN" the body follows.

August would prove to be where the line was *really* drawn in the sand when every possible plan for the Summer Sadhana Retreat fell apart last minute and I ended up hosting solo rather than the intended duo. Our small yet fully ALIVE group

shared in some pretty auspicious moments that we will all cherish and for me, this **** marked the moment where I found clarity and a peace of mind I hadn't known in some several years. **** Standing at the bank with the waves rolling in clear up to my thighs as I cried when my own voice freed me in my realization "It's OK to close the door" as I struggled with personal transitions I was resisting out of "looking good, fear of looking bad" and denying my heart, the Ultimate Guru, and it's intelligence as a result. There was a freedom; a liberation felt during this time that would soon set the ball in motion to radically change my life. I'm SO grateful for August and every expected and unexpected twist, turn and tide that was a part of it...all I needed from this point forward was the courage to be totally authentic and honest, boldly stating what had become so clear and real in my heart.

It was also a very sweet month having been named one of  ****"Austin's Top 10 Fittest" by Austin Fit Magazine. ****(scroll down the page to see the Austin's Fittest people write ups)This was special to me because it meant that my community supported and believed in me...but I could not have gotten this recognition without them. I share it with you all and I am still so honored to be able to be a face for what it means to be fit in body, mind and spirit.

****Enter Landmark Forum.****

September would gift me with a completely NEW WAY OF BEING as I embarked on my first Landmark Forum experience. I have gone on record to say that with all of my yoga experiences, this was certainly something to write home about. After having fully immersed myself into the teachings on a very chilling, present day, no-excuses level, I cannot image *ever* going back to the former way of being. I really can't. Furthermore, I continue to use what I now know, what I have learned about myself on the most honest and authentic, all encompassing level in every aspect of my life and I am so grateful for honest to goodness clear seeing of myself, my life, how I was living it and how I live it today.

October would follow with a super intense dose of the Landmark Advanced curriculum where I learned just how much we really don't give a shit about other people. I know, I know...that sounds ODD if nothing else. This 36 hour weekend power punch is all about how we tend to be in it to win it for OURSELVES in many ways, subconsciously. Ultimately what I got from it was that I hadn't been empowering people the way I really want to be or am capable of and that I need to be standing for the people I love and believe in and that all of this creates one infinite circle of life. One of the biggest blessings of October was seeing what my "ACT" is in the world as they refer to it and having identified with this one distinction alone, the quality of my LIFE has taken a dramatic turn for the better. Let me repeat that...

Having identified clearly what my "ACT" is in the world (as taught in the Landmark Advanced course...no I'm not a rep in any way, shape or form... it's just good stuff!), I saw a movie reel of my life flash before me revealing my life long in-authenticities in how I had been living, communicating, and existing from this false way of being. As a result, I continue to see how this has dictated my actions and has sabotaged the very things I've wanted and have deserved in my life.


"From Nothing, Right Now, What I am is the possibility of..."

****I cannot be grateful enough for my Possibility Driven Life. ****

Landmark Forum & Advanced Course; Truly NEXT LEVEL when it comes to doing the work on the personal and as I like to say in class, CONFRONTATIONAL, front. I encourage everyone I know and love and even those who I don't to consider this step of deep personal work. While our insights aren't always pretty...we have to go into the darkness of ourselves to see the burning bonfire within.

By November I had registered myself for my first ever semester of higher learning beginning in January :)) It was also a life-changing month for my family as I, for the first time in my life,**** met my big brother, Mike and realized my fullest capacity to forgive my father. ****

I'll stop at that and let you read the above not so private thoughts shared in the link. I couldn't possibly say it any better now than I did when it was fresh-fresh.

November blessings would not have been complete without the full circle Yoga moment I've felt which has given me a new relationship to both my **** teaching and studentship practices with Yoga.****

(a colorful group of teachers and Lululemon friends from the huge "Yogasm" event held earlier n the year)

Again...waves of gratitude washing over me right now.

SO many things I've learned this year....It has indeed been the year of HEART.

To New Friends...

Thank you to ****Crossfit Central**** for being one of the the best reasons to wake up on Monday and Wednesday mornings and to my longtime (of almost 2 years...Wow! Really?!) **** Coach, Crystal Mac,****

for always knowing how to hold space with such supportive intensity for us every time.

To long time friends

who continue to make me laugh (and cry); who are are true tribe members when you need them or just need a good glass of wine :)

To engagements and life celebrations of two very dear friends of mine...who both remind me of what an intimate love and partenership can look like for us all when it's right...

(holy smokes you two ladies have done so much my soul you don't even know! And to Evan "I don't think Sanieh knows ... she's SANIEH!"....Thank you SO much for sharing that with me, Lauran...THAT CHANGED ME. Love to both of you ladies and may your big day and the life that follows be the greatest expression of Love in Action with the wonderful men you've chosen.)


It's mid December as I write this entry and so many documented realizations and experiences come to mind that I am SO grateful for...

A painful yet profound realization of **** the importance of boundaries ***

***A moment of reflection ****on how far I've come and how much I've grown

And a deep knowing that ****I AM A POSSIBLITY.***

A very meditative time of year it is for me. If you haven't done so already, I encourage you to spend a few days to come up with and declare a powerful intention for the New Year transition then share it. Something very powerful happens when in the declaration and more so when we state it out loud.

To every one of you who walked beside me this year...
To those quietly and even silently watched and rooted me on whispering blessings of support, sending emails of praise, excitement, joy and even sorrow...
To the challengers, nay sayers and even haters...
To the ones whose fork came up in the road...
And To the new people in my life...
I felt you all...

And I'm closer to where ever it is I'm meant to be in my incredibly blessed life because of you.

So now is the time when I'm going deep within to align myself to the "YES" of where my energy will be put; the energy that will immediately will follow a spoken declaration for 2011. I love this time of year for this reason alone, if for no other.

With a grateful smile and waves of excitement and laugher for new beginnings in a New Year,
my heart bows to you all.